iMessenger Harry Potter Version
by GottaLoveUglies
Summary: The hogwarts students and staff create a chatroom...and the world goes insane.
1. Author's Note

Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, would I really be writing fanfics?

Author's Note

Scarhead-Harry

Orangatan-Ron

BookWorm-Hermione

TheIncredibleBouncingFerret-Draco

Thing1-Crabbe

Thing2-Goyle

TheLittlestRedhead-Ginny

YouMustRespectMe-Professor McGonagall

HealthNut-Madam Pomefry

Author's Note: First chapter will be up on the 4th. Thanks for stopping by, though!


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Do I like cheese? Yes. Do I have pie? Yes. Do I own the wonderful world of Harry Potter? No.

Chapter 1

**Scarhead has logged on.**

**Orangatan has logged on.**

**Scarhead: **Oh, hey Ron!

**Orangatan:** Um...Hi? Why are you Scarhead?

**Scarhead:** For the same reason you're Orangatan.

**Orangatan:** So you got struck by lightning too?

**Scarhead: **No, I-wait, you got struck by lightning?

**Orangatan: **Yeah, just last week! You didn't notice?

**Scarhead:** Ginny told me you got mugged by a niffler...Boy, was she off.

**Orangatan:** Oh, so that's why why Hermione took off the watch my parents gave me and threw it against the wall.

**Scarhead:** Sorry. Misinformed.

**Orangatan:** Did Ginny know she had the wrong information?

**Scarhead: **Who cares? Did you get any superpowers or anything?

**Orangatan:** Huh? What are you going off about now, mate?

**Scarhead: **You know, can you turn invisible or something?

**Orangatan:** Hmmm...Ooh! I can now stuff about a pound of food in my mouth at a time!

**Scarhead: ***disgusted* I'm pretty sure you could already do that, Ron.

**Orangatan: **Oh. HehHeh.

**Bookworm has logged on.**

**Bookworm: **Honestly Ron, that's disgusting.

**Orangatan: **Hey, 'Mione.

**Scarhead:** Hi.

**Bookworm: **Hey Ron, Harry.

**Scarhead: **So, how was Arithmacy?

**Bookworm: **Professor Vector assigned us three feet on why flobberworms cannot fly...she's been a bit off lately. I wonder why.

**Scarhead:** Maybe its the war...according to the Hogwarts rumor mill, she lost a brother. Either that, or she had a secret love affair with Snape. I don't know which one has more merit.

**Bookworm: **The first one is sad but very plausible...and the second is just sad.

**Orangatan: **Maybe she's just PMSing.

**Bookworm: ***smacks arm* Ron!

**Orangatan: **What?

**Bookworm: ***rolls eyes* You'll never learn, will you?

**Scarhead:** Ummm...Sinstra seems a bit off too.

**Bookworm: **Yeah, everyone's a bit weird lately. Professor McGonagall is weird. Pavarti's weird. Heck, even Peeves is weird!

**Scarhead:** What about us?

**Orangatan:** Oh, we're always weird.

**Bookworm:** *laughs* Ron! We are now in any way weird!

**Orangatan: **Harry had a connection to Moldywarts through a lightning shaped scar on his forehead, you have spent a third of your life with your nose buried in a book, and I have a bottemless pit for a stomach. Ah, yes, we are the epitome of normal.

**Scarhead:** *snickers* Yeah, we are pretty weird.

**Bookworm: **Epitome is such a big word, Ron.

**Orangatan: ***glares* Shut up.

**Bookworm: **That is no way to talk to a lady.

**Orangatan: ***blinks*

**Bookworm:** *bursts out laughing*

**Orangatan: ***ruffles hair*

**Bookworm:** *sneezes*

**Orangatan:** *coughs*

**Scarhead: **I'm just gonna leave you two to your foreplay...just stay off my bed, okay?

**Orangatan:** Okay! Bring me back a meatball sub!

**Scarhead has logged off.**

**Bookworm: ***rolls eyes* Do you ever think of something that isn't food?

**Orangatan:** Of course I do! I think of you!

**Bookworm: **Aww...Ron! That's so sweet!

**Orangatan:** Erm...Thanks! Now, where were we?

**Bookworm: ***hiccups*

**Orangatan:** *burps*

**Bookworm: **Eww, Ron! *clears throat*

**Orangatan:** *creaks*

**Bookworm: **Creaks? *crackles*

**Orangatan: **You're not one to talk. *stomach growls*

**Bookworm: **You boys are always hungry. Now, what do you say we go and disrespect Harry's wishes?

**Orangatan:** Okay!

**Bookworm has logged off.**

**Orangatan: **Whatever that means...

**Orangatan has logged off.**

**Author's Note: ** To those that have read my other stories, you know perfectly well not to trust what I say about updating. I can't take not doing it, so I'll end up updating the next day for most occasions. To those that read and reviewed my story(ies) thank you, and I give you giant chocolate muffins!

Gora


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Do I like cheese? Yes. Do I have pie? Yes. Do I own the wonderful world of Harry Potter? No.

Chapter 2

**Scarhead has logged on.**

**Bookworm has logged on.**

**Scarhead: **Why Hermione? Why?

**Bookworm: ** Harry, let me explain. I-

**Scarhead: ** On my bed!

**Bookworm: **Okay, so it was a bad idea, but-

**Scarhead: ** You should have at least changed the sheets!

**Bookworm: ** So I should have, but-

**Scarhead: **Or gotten out of the bed!

**Bookworm: ** Harry, I'm sorry, but-

**Scarhead: **Do you have any idea what it is like to come into your room and flop onto your bed, only to find there are people in it?

**Bookworm:** I forgot which one Ron's was!

**Scarhead: ** I saw that IM! You directly defied me!

**Bookworm: **Directly defied you?

**Scarhead: ** *blushes* That's not the point! The poin is-

**Bookworm: **I know, I know, maybe I shouldn't have done it in your bed.

**Scarhead: **There is no maybe about it! If you had ended up in Seamus's, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess!

**Bookworm: ** There is no maybe about it!

**Scarhead: ** *glares* Shut up. The reason I'm pissed is Rita Skeeter got into the castle and caught a picture of us lying in the same bed, with both of you naked on either side of me, with identical looks of horror on our faces. She called it,"The Golden Threesome". The front page. And it came while we were at breakfast. And all the subscribers to Daily Prophet saw it. And we became the laughing stock of the school. And Ginny broke up with me. All because you decided to have sex in my bed.

**Bookworm:** *giggles, then senses Harry's glare and sobers* Sorry.

**Scarhead: ** Doesn't cut it.

**Bookworm: ** I know. *sighs* Maybe Ginny's not right for you Harry. I mean, if she can't trust you enough to know that that stupid article is true, then...Maybe you two breaking up is a good thing.

**Scarhead: ** If I saw that photo, I'd break up with me too. Not that I'm going out with myself...Or am I?

**Bookworm: **Can we at least plot about gettin the beetle bitch back?

**Scarhead:** Be my guest. But-wait did you just curse? Did the high and mighty Hermione Granger just swear?

**Bookworm: ** Don't be snarky.

**Scarhead: ** K. I'm in. But if you ever do anything in my bed ever again, I know spells that can scar you for life. And I will not hesitate to use them.

**Bookworm:** Deal.

**Scarhead: **So, what do you propose we do?

**Bookworm: ** Do you still remember the recipe for Polyjuice Potion?

**Scarhead: **Hehehe...Off to the library we go!

**Bookworm:** The book is in the restricted section.

**Scarhead:** I just love the Peverells...Don't you?

**Bookworm: ** Wait, what? Ohh...I get it now.

**Scarhead: **Meet me downstairs. We got some serious plotting to do.

**Scarhead has logged off.**

**Bookworm: ** We're gonna kill the wicked witch of the rag!

**Bookworm has logged off.**

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Slytherin dorms...

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret has logged on.**

**Thing1 has logged on.**

**Thing2 has logged on.**

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Hello goons.

**Thing1: **Hello master.

**Thing2: ** Hello master.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** I told you to stop calling me that. If Potter finds out, I will never hear the end of it.

**Thing1: ** Sorry.

**Thing2:** Sorry. Do you have orders for us?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Not at this time, no.

**Thing2: ** If you didn't, why did you call us?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Can't a person want to have a conversation? Anyways, did you see the paper today?

**Thing1: ** No, my parents don't have a description.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **It's a subscription.

**Thing1: ** What was on the front page?

**Thing2:** A photo of Weasley, Potter and Granger all in the same bed with no clothes on.

**Thing1: ** Really? How do we use this against them?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: ** A little taunting never did anyone harm...But I'm afraid I can't. As much as I don't like them, I owe them life debts. As do you.

**Thing2: ** Damn.

**Thing1: ** Ditto.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Anyways, I want to get to know Potter better. As much as I've taunted him and teased him over the years, and he's done the same to me, I still want to extend the honor of my friendship.

**Thing 2: ** But why Potter?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** He is a powerful wizard. And a powerful man. Not to mention he has a powerful punch.

**Thing1: ** Weasley and Granger.

**Thing2: ** What about them?

**Thing1: ** Are you trying to be their friends too?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **No. At least, not if I don't have to. But we do need to coexist, at least with the Muggleborn. Damn, I hate saying that. It feels so...wrong.

**Thing2:** Tell me about it. Can I do my homework now?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** Go right ahead.

**Thing2: ** Bye!

**Thing2 has logged off.**

**Thing1: ** I'll go with him. Bye!

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** Bye, Goyle!

**Thing 1 has logged off.**

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **This is gonna be a hell of a job.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret has logged off.**

**Author's Note:** When I wrote this, I forgot Crabbe died. So, I decided to make him live and give him a life debt instead. Anyways, has anyone ever thought Malfoy kinda sounds like Stewie from family guy? Souffles to all those who read my story!

Gora


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Do I like cheese? Yes. Do I have pie? Yes. Do I own the wonderful world of Harry Potter? No.

Chapter 2

**Scarhead has logged on.**

**Bookworm has logged on.**

**Bookworm: ***chortles*

**Scarhead: **Its not funny!

**Bookworm: **Yes it was! That article was genius!

**Scarhead:** It wasn't worth having a 90 year old publisher grab my ass!

**Bookworm: **Come on, Harry, it was hilarious!

**Scarhead: **I was nearly raped!

**Bookworm: **Rita Skeeter was fired, put in Azkaban, and promptly eaten by a giant chinchilla. That definatly merits a "tee hee".

**Scarhead: **That part was funny. And the article was a stroke of genius on my part. I guess you're right.

**Bookworm: **Harrry James Potter, did you just brag?

**Scarhead:** Oh shit...I guess I did. Sorry.

**Bookworm:** Language, Potter. I think the bragging did you some good. How you're actually agknowledging you did something significant by yourself.

**Scarhead:** I suppose so.. Anyways, do you think-

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret has logged on.**

**Scarhead: ***bursts out laughing*

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **What, Potter?

**Scarhead: **The Incredible Bouncing Ferret? Were you high?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **You can't talk, Scarhead.

**Scarhead: ***sputters* I guess I can't. Ron's gonna laugh when he sees that, though. What do you want?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **To call a truce.

**Scarhead: ***spits out pumpkin juice* You're kidding, right?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** I'm tired of fighting, Potter. We did enough of it in the war. Why should we continue?

**Scarhead: ***sighs* You're right. This doesn't have anything to do with the life debt that you and your friends owe us, right?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** No. I just figured after all these years, I might as well offer again.

**Scarhead: **Wait, wh-Oh. I got ya. I don't know about friends, but we can coexist.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Okay.

**Bookworm: **Awww...

**Scarhead:** Heh?

**Bookworm: **You two are so cute...I just wanna squeeze your cheeks!

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** *chokes* You will do nothing of the sort. Granger, I assure you I am not cute. Stunningly hansome, yes, but not cute.

**Bookworm:** I beg to differ.

**Scarhead:** *blushes* You think I'm cute?

**Bookworm:** You're the most wanted wizard in the world, Harry. Think that might be for another reason than you're rich and have defeated a dark lord?

**Scarhead:** I have overly large glasses and ugly scars all over me.

**Bookworm:** They're not ugly! I think they're sexy, really.

**Scarhead: ***coughs* Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Hermione.

**Bookworm:** *blushes* Did I really type that?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Yes. And I really didn't need to know what you and Potter do behind closed doors, anyways.

**Bookworm: **We don't do anything behind closed doors!

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Then how would you know about Potter's scars?

**Bookworm: **Okay, maybe that is a bit suggestive.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** A bit? And then you call him sexy? You're going out with Weasel, for crying out loud!

**Bookworm: ***blushes*

**Scarhead: **Hemhem.

**Bookworm: ***jumps out of her skin* Blimey, Harry, don't do that!

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** Why not?

**Bookworm: **Umbridge.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** She wasn't really that bad, you know.

**Scarhead: **Not to you, maybe. You were a member of her Inquisitorial Squad.

**Bookworm:** She tried to put Harry under the Imperious curse and tortured him with a blood quill.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** Wow. Don't you know blood quills are illegal?

**Bookworm: **Of course I knew! Harry just neglected to tell me about it until the middle of the year and wouldn't let me do anything about her.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret: **Was it pride?

**Bookworm: **This is Harry we're talking about. I strongly doubt this was about pride.

**Scarhead: **Hey!

**Bookworm:** That was a compliment.

**Scarhead:** *blushes* I knew that.

**Bookworm: ***rolls eyes* Of course you did. Now log off, we have Transfiguration in two minutes with the new professor.

**Scarhead: **Who do you think it is?

**Bookworm: **I don't know. Let's find out.

**Scarhead: ***sighs* Bye, Malfoy.

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** See you 'round, Potter, Granger.

**Scarhead has logged off.**

**Bookworm: **Bye, Malfoy.

**Bookworm has logged off.**

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret:** Why are we saying goodbye if we sit next to eachother in Transfiguration?

**TheIncredibleBouncingFerret has logged off.**

**Author's Note:** Tell me dears, just how crappy was this chapter? Let me know please! Thanks for taking the time to read my story and review, and I give everyone huge cases of poprocks!

Gora


End file.
